A new and powerful force just hit me.. It’s like what the hell is this called.. College ? Let me just start and rate my experience 1-10 (10being fml) I rate it 9.5 yep almost a fml..
I knew this day would come but when it did I didn’t expect it would challenge my self being; it would destroy my sense of humanity and it would make me feel as if I failed LIFE for having 3 kids and being a single mother. Ok let me tone down on the dramatics. But seriously, this opened my eyes to see how naïve and misguided I was about building a better future for my children. Well I didn’t really build shit but I have a job and therefore, I thought I can make things happen. I don’t know exactly where to being so this post is going to sound wacky (just like this writer) but I want the world (you are the world lol) to know that my son IS A JERK.. jejejeje I think all freaking kids that live in poverty, that are consider the minority and otherwise super poor are jerks. I feel they just never freaking do everything and anything they need to do to get ahead of themselves. This generation has the go with the flow attitude so down packed I wish the flow would freaking take em somewhere in life. My son gave me a hard ass time when it came to filling out forms, picking schools and having to turn papers/essays in on time. This is the part where I thought did my son needed special ed? nope he’s just a JERK. My God all the stuff the college asked for and at the end I still have to take 101 freaking loans so why bother. I will tell you why because as much as I didn’t believe it as much as it has never affected me until now this COLLEGE journey is truly one HUGE BUSINESS in which we are not the employee or employer. It’s not about nothing else but how much can they fuck you up for life and keep fucking your children and their children. NYC Board of Education public schools don’t prepare our children for this type of journey. Wow it almost sounds like I don’t like college 😦 that is not the case, in fact (another blog another time), I have to go back to college soon for some freaking classes my job requires so in the near future if I want to upgrade from bread Nd butter to bread Nd jam I have that chance. I like school it keeps you young and active. Anywho, I understand we have to help our children and that we want this for them so the cost will be sleep deprived, hunger, and staying broke for a bit longerrrr due to sending your child away to college knowing you have 0 dollars to spare; but I didn’t think I have to sell my soul nor that I have to help my child in every step of the damn way until who the fuck knows. I’m like ok now you have a foot in put the rest of your ass in it too 😦
Colleges don’t freaking let you know how your child is doing and by the time they do it’s nothing good and when you want to find out basic information you need written permission yeah wish you asked me for written permission when you suckered him into taking a few loans without consulting me mofo’s. Colleges are like hey Ms. Arod (lol) your child is a young adult cut the cord but oh you have a bill for xx.xx for this and that ..who the fuck cares……!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you’re going to bill me anyways right!!! why don’t you just treat him as independent/ homeless and a jerk and leave me the hell alone.. I will just see him for the holidays. fml. If he would have stayed local guess I wouldn’t be so angry and disillusioned at what colleges claim they offer and what it means to have a child go away but not fully go away. It means to have to worry even more than usual and the worst part is YOU have to TRUST your child with responsibilities. But my son decided to go away taking his financial aid and has to use it on fucking ROOM AND BOARD because that is all that shit barely covered. What the hell… Is like I’m taking loans for him to eat lunch food and sleep in a room with 2 other jerks and walk like a zombie for the next 4 years. Our aide didn’t even cover not 1 goddamn book. What a scam.
This is where I realized what I did wrong with raising him, our communication skills aren’t strong because we don’t seem to see eye to eye on anything and that is fucking draining now I see how parents gets better at parenting skills with their 2nd child because with the 1st you truly are practicing. Now is that the should have, would have, could have kicks me in the ass and slaps me in the face at the same time. WARMING: Drugs and alcohol apparently is a HUGE factor in college so good luck if your child liked that crap while with you because they gonna freaking love it over there 😦
When people tell me oh Sonia how lucky your son went away and is doing for him. I want to fucking slap them with a bill that I get every few months. I still would be lucky if he would have stayed and let’s say go to a great college here where we freaking live because at the end of it all he wants to come back here to NYC and get a job here hereeeeeeeeeeee so why the fuck did he want to leave in the 1st place. We don’t have time for this shit anymore that was in the 60’s where minority and different cultural races where trying to change their status in society or trying to improve their job chances by having more education than their parents did. Now we are all mixed in this big pot of shortness that was made hundredths of years ago. I tell you why cause kids are Jerks. They want to act grown get away from us parents and do what they want. But they will always need us. He wanted to leave I let him now he don’t wanna get a job making up 102 excuses; its hard it’s this and that too much homework classwork. At least that’s how I see it. I use to love it when my son called or texted now I’m like oh what does he need now. This is not the experience I wanted for myself.
The good part is now I have more space in my tiny apartment lol .. And well yes at the end he’s getting an experience that I will never have. Hoping this degree from Buffalo College better be worth all the headache and extra stress I AM forced to deal with. And one day hopefully, I would look back and say I don’t feel how I did when I was venting on this blog about him going away to a college that I can’t afford. PS hope this loan I had to take boost my credit report.
I won’t make this any longer because I don’t want him or my readers to think I am against college. I just didn’t think I would be so sad and miserable having to deal with them. I am a realist and this was one leap I took without really having a say so because I figured this is his life but for next time around, I am not going to kid myself. I believe school is school and it’s up to the individual to present themselves not where their degree came from.