Hi.. Its been to long.. I thought I forgotten my password just like everything in my life.. I forgot what worked, what makes me happy.. I lost it..
I use to pray to a god name Jehovah.. Is the only one I knew. But I forgot how I use to pray.. I’ve forgotten what I use to ask of him.. I forgotten how I felt when I use to pray.. I think it was similar to how I’m feeling nowadays.. desperate..
I don’t know how to do it anymore.. I tried praying to get slim knowing damn well I love eating and without that self control I ain’t gonna go anywhere.. God is not gonna get me skinny.. I have to get myself in shape..
I don’t think anyone should pray to win the lotto because that’s gambling and god (my idea of god) wouldn’t grant you this.. We shouldn’t be gambling in the 1st place. God knows most of us are poor or struggling but he didn’t get us this way we did so I guess we have to find our own way to get out of it.. Imagine if he granted this prayer to someone then I guess he would have to do it to everyone who prays to win..
So should I pray about love.. I’m in love now with someone who doesn’t even want me.. Should I ask for strength to let go. Knowing ima live a few years the saddest I’ve been. Should I pray for him to love me..isn’t that messing with their free will? I don’t know how to pray because I’m so sad..
I’ve been angry and when it happens I vent to get it over with.. I’ve been depressed and when that happens I isolated myself from the world to find myself.. But when you’re sad… Truly sad… Crying becomes your friend and because you want a friend I can’t stop.crying, I can’t stop blaming myself..
Should I pray for forgiveness knowing I don’t even know why.. I was made this way.. And I’ve come to hate it.. But I can’t change it for too long for my true self always comes out ..
I don’t know how to pray.. It sounds fake to me.. It sounds selfish..
Maybe I should pray for god to be real..