out of character

I told someone, a man I know through my social life that I wanted to sleep with him.. Even as I type this I still can’t believe that I did this. It’s not that I haven’t done this before lol but it’s been years many years and it’s been only in 2 other occasion that I have acted out of my character.

I was at a club hanging out by the bar where I always manage to get a few men to buy me a couple of drinks with absolutely no strings attached. I just so happened to drink a bit too much this particular night. Not enough to get me drunk (I only get drunk by drinking a few bottles) but enough to make me hyped, energized and bold.

I seen him there. I’m not attracted to him. At least that is not the 1st thing I see in him. I have met him a few times before but nothing more. He came over to say hi, that much I figured he’ll do since I often comment on most of his post and simply enjoy correcting his spelling. lol We spoke briefly then I asked him to buy me a drink.

I didn’t see him again till I left, but I was messaging him and in one of the message I told him I wanted him sexually. I can’t remember the exact words, I never went back to the original message to read what I had written. I figure it’s too late for that. I acted young, spontaneous, carefree, daring, promiscuous, and I didn’t want to turn back. I know I didn’t use rated x words that is not my style even though I was not acting my 100% that is just something I won’t do no matter how drunk or horny I get.  All I know is that I had said enough to get him to come  talk with me before the night ended. And he and I both knew he could have had me if he wanted to. I can’t say that I’m glad he didn’t because I would have rather he did but he hasn’t.

We spoken and things were said that clearly indicates that I am more than willing to try to satisfy this urge that all the sudden I have towards him and he also lead me to think he will give it a try. I don’t want him for my man, maybe I could have been a lover but not now..not now that it has been a few weekends and he still hasn’t set something up. I still very much would like to sleep with him but he doesn’t seem to be into me. This is the thing, I can’t go now and try to fix this image I left him with because it just doesn’t work this way. I came on to him and I thought he would have went for it end of story. I thought as adults I can say what I feel and tell him what I want and not fucking get judged because at the end we are adults and know better. Yeah whatever, he probably thinks ima slut and go around telling guys that I want to sleep with them lol. ironic right. In a way now it’s cool if he doesn’t even get a chance to sleep with me because like I said this was unexpected of me to even go for it and I’ve lasted quite a while without any sex maybe he wasn’t even worth my energy especially if he’s all talk and no action which is what he’s already showing me. I guess I will never know. I sometimes feel that I have a few deity guiding me and this is one way of protecting me from whatever could had happened lol (that can be another blog)

I am planning on deleting him and not having contact with him only because I do feel maybe 20% embarrassed and 15%disappointed. We still active socially and I might bump into him any weekend soon because we have a few parties line up at the same venue 😦 I don’t want to face him anytime soon. Anyways, I wanted to get it out my system. I haven’t told any of my friends 😦 I don’t want to hear the sermon that comes after some shit like this. I know as a woman you’re not suppose to act this way as a single mother this is no way to do things. But it was what I felt at the moment and I went for it hoping this might turn out to be a wonderful sex story not a wonderful reject one lol

I could have written more. But I wanted to keep it simple. This whole experience is something to think about. Most guys pretend to go to clubs to meet someone 1st reason is to sleep with them , here he met me and I told him I wanted sex and he was as shocked as me but didn’t go for it. So I guess most guys do go to a club to meet someone who might become their future girlfriend or wife. Isn’t that some shit. yet they act as if that’s not the case. now I know it is.. I know my next time for me to act this out of character won’t be anytime soon. He was the first in a while and I didn’t like the end. but

it is what it is

and that is part of life and lessons ..

Happy Columbus Day…

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About sonia3kids

A single mother of 3.. and so much thoughts going inside my mind... I like to keep busy and learn new things. I love life and some of the things it offers. I love that YOU have the power and control to choose what you will do with your own life.. your choices your lessons your PROBLEMS lol
Aside | This entry was posted in my first few blogs and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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