I will not let myself get attached to my struggles. I can’t see a perfect day where I won’t think of my problems or my hurt but I will also find my moment somewhere in there that will make me smile, move forward, and endure.
In order for me to feel important, rich, socially active, healthy, sane and safe , I keep BUSY
I want to share this with the world.lol
I really do stay busy, I read the union’s papers to see what they offer for free or low cost and I go for it , I google things up everyday, I try different things even if it’s a new recipe, I always have questions that lead to other questions. I try to stay focus, alert, involved. I pray my children see this and picks it up from me. I believe this tip/trick will also help them as grown ups and parents..This year I will tackle exercising and getting some routine going, I also want all my children to learn swimming, I want to expose them to a foreign language, and maybe even an instrument.
But all of this is a mask, a cover up, therapy, my personal shield. For I fear the future, I don’t want my kids to get filled up with kids, I am scared that dreams are fading and in order for them to come true you have to make a trade with the devil (old school.saying).
But my kids will not know this until they start reading my blogs. In real life, I just keep busy, keep active, keep moving, though I know I’m stuck. If I am moving forward I feel like a snail. I don’t even know if I have a specific goal besides keeping them out of total poverty. This blog felt like a release, I don’t live a fake life, I don’t pretend I’m someone who I can’t back up. But I always kept my motives my talent hidden. my talent of overcoming my daily struggles lies in the fact of how busy I stay. eventuality I deal with them (problems) but by then my brain acts as a tool and works along with me. Partly because I always have a project at hand that I want to get back at and partly because I have kept so busy I just want to resolve. I go straight to look for a result, a solution. When you’re not as busy your brain, thoughts, mind has all this time to think about the problem, you have time to break it down, it consumes you, it’s probably all you think about but with no real life solution. I’m wishing that by now you wonderful audience have develop your own way of resolving your struggles. I found having more positive, fun things going on around the same time that you’re dealing with a problem will help.
I will give you an example: while dealing with my everyday bills I also write down my kids upcoming bdays or any near holidays. I know logically you would think that should get me more down because it’s more money I have to come up with. But, what that helps me do is see a way I can pay or come to an agreement with the utility I owe and also see where I can start paying,buying,or saving for the upcoming event. This makes me feel good because at the end, I get to pay everything off and not stress my special plans because I already included it. But if I was to just stick to the negative (bills lol) and not see that something fun and nice is in the future works, I start to feel depress. And we all know by now, that is not an easy emotion to get rid off once it comes.
So I hope this blog makes sense. I enjoyed writing this and hopefully my children will understand why I always kept them busy throughout their birth all the way to the present.