I have tried to live mostly in the present. I think it’s healthy and if I can accomplish this I feel like I can even win the lotto.. But the truth is I can’t and I don’t play the lotto 😦 I hold on to my past as if God himself has written my life in a tablet and have given it to me… I don’t want to let go. I can remember things that has happened to me in my past in details I can even relive some moments.. yet I hardly fucking remember what I did or ate or wore or said or felt from just a few days ago.. my past justifies who I am today including when I act like an asshole.. my past did teach me things BUT ONLY THINGS TO MYSELF and the effect is that today I AM ONE OF THE RAREST PERSON ON EARTH BECAUSE I DON’T JUDGE..I truly believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt and I practice this belief.. I am naïve to a lot of shit that goes on because if it doesn’t affect me directly or close to it I just don’t worry about it.. I have lived with regrets and tried my hardest to not repeat them but I figured out the only way to do this is to keep remembering my past..
I can kill hours just sitting and thinking over my past; even relieving it and secretly changing some things lol.. of course with some materials by my side it works best .. like a good salsa/freestyle station at Pandora.com; or a great 80’s flick from Netflix.com or a great bottle of liquor (can’t link shit to this cause I drink a lot of types of liquor) or sometimes even light an old fashion joint(weed)..as a matter of fact this blog is being written with the aid of Jack Daniel’s Tennessee Honey
I can remember how much I enjoyed school (j.h.s.) and I guess that’s part of the reason from time to time I still enjoy to learn different things
I can remember meeting my friends at local food spots when we first started working our summer youth jobs and this has kept me wanting to meet with my friends to this day to go to dinner (though now I should start ordering salad)
and order lots and lots of cocktails (we old enough now lol)
I can remember my first date to the movies.. (holy shit maybe this is why I hate going to the movies on dates to this day..lmao)
I can remember the first time I felt a betrayal (my close friend kissed the guy that I found cute)(we were 12yrs old)(the bitch lol)I cried a river thinking it was the worst situation I’ve ever went through and now I laugh at them knowing that those were just the beginning.
I can remember great and awesome family moments that no longer exist.. and never will
I can remember so much more and make this blog into a short stories.. (but I’m not ready for this type of writing yet)..
I love my past.. the good and the bad.. because the bad wasn’t so bad after all.. My past thought me responsibility, loyalty,jokes, fun, embarrassing moments, hate, anger, confusion, friendship , respect and how to set goals..
I’m blogging in my place with my three kids and cat getting ready to go to bed soon cause I have work in the am.. thanks to my past I created all of this
who would we be without a past…